 When my husband and I learned there was an opportunity for us to move
from the United States to Europe, I couldn't wait to step on the plane
and cross the Atlantic.
I had been to Europe only once, but it had made
me hungry. I dreamt of traveling, learning different cultures, having
fun hobbies, and expanding my writing career.
When it was time to turn in my job resignation, pack the house, store
the cars, and temporarily say goodbye to family and friends, I shed few
tears. However, during the flight I had waited months to take, no
sooner did the cabin lights dim and passengers drifted to sleep, I
silently sobbed in my seat. "Dear God", I thought. "What have I done?"
During my past six months in Germany, there have been happy, sad,
anxious, angry, and exciting moments. Yes, there have been big
challenges. But the benefits do outweigh the time I spent figuring out
that "Ausfahrt" is not a city, but instead means "exit." The most
important lesson I've learned: I am not alone.
In 2003, Illran Jacobson moved to Herzogenaurah, Germany, from the
United States with her husband and two children for her spouse's job.
"[Moving to Germany] was a good opportunity, and we thought it would be
an interesting experience for the whole family," Jacobson says.
"Initially, [our relocating] was hard because we moved in January. It
was so cold and hard to meet people right away." Jacobson hit a low
point when her son had to sit out of school for nine months until a
space became available. "It broke my heart to see him playing by
himself," she says. "I remember lying in bed, trying to think positive.
I asked myself if there was anything I liked about living here, and at
that time, the answer was no." It wasn't until both of her children
were in school, making friends, and feeling like they belonged that she
began to feel better, she says.
Two years and some warm weather later, Jacobson feels more relaxed in
her home away from home. Now that her children have had a chance to
travel and experience different people, Jacobson says their boundary of
the world is getting bigger, and their minds are more open. For
example, when her daughter now plays Barbie, all of the dolls are from
different nationalities, not just American. And Jacobson has helped
herself cope with living abroad by making friends with other mom's from
her childrens' school. She also is studying German, taking guitar
lessons, and recently joined a fitness center. Her best advice to
others living away from their home countries: "Be active, be with
people."
Louise Scoringe and her husband moved from New Zealand to Nuremberg
during the Spring of 2003. Like Jacobson, the move also was for her
husband's job and because most New Zealanders have an overseas
experience or "OE" before settling back home. What was difficult for
Scoringe included learning a culturally different way of doing things
and establishing a household in another language. However, the biggest
challenge was not having a support network nearby. "It takes a long
time to build up history with people," Scoringe says. "So the depth of
relation you had [with friends and family], you're not going to have
unless 18 months go by, and within those 18 months is when you need
people around."
Luckily, Scoringe says she always has been positive about moving to
Germany, never questioning why she was here or having bouts of
homesickness. However, that doesn't mean she didn't need time to
adjust. To more quickly adapt, Scoringe made it her job to explore
everything, including visiting tourist attractions and learning
Nuremberg's history. Next, she made studying German her job, which she
says provided stability. Also, when she met someone new, she would
instantly make another appointment with them, whether it was dinner or
coffee. This gave her a working group of friends and places to go. Her
good advice for others: "Sit your husband down, make sure he is
listening, and [explain] how hard it is when you're doing everything in
a foreign language. Every little task it difficult, and [husbands] need
to encourage [their wives], and be tolerant if she didn't get much
accomplished that day."
Since Safaa Egger married 27 years ago, she has been on the move with
her husband's job. Originally from Egypt and moving soon from Germany
to Romania, she is a seasoned pro at relocating and making living
adjustments, but this was not always true. Egger's family has lived in
Germany three times. For her, the most difficult move was their first
relocation to Germany more than 20 years ago. "The first time was
extremely hard," says Egger. "I didn't speak the language, I was
pregnant, life was too hard. I came and left with tears. Back then, no
one spoke English." During her second stint, Egger spoke the language
but adds that she still had to adjust to German mentality and learn how
they approach life, although, she generally felt much more comfortable.
Egger says she integrated herself a third time by making friends who
share similar interests. And when she moves to Romania, she plans on
finding a group she enjoys and quickly making new friends. Her advice
for those new to relocating: "The language should be learned. This is
the only way to facilitate moving around. For example, when I was in
Indonesia, I learned Indonesian. This will help you get to know the
people."
Taking yourself and your family out of their comfort zone takes
strength and determination. As for me, I'm working hard to fill my days
with worthwhile tasks and giving myself a break when I don't. I am also
learning to enjoy the time away from home because one day it will be
over. So for now, I'm here, I'm staying, I'm going to enjoy it.
Women's Tips for Living Abroad
* Learn the Lingo: To become involved in your community, properly pay
bills, make local friendships, and move around more easily, learn
German as soon as possible.
* Remember This: While it may initially seem like a vacation, living in
a foreign country is much different than traveling through it.
* Hola Amigos: Join a fitness center, take a yoga class, learn to play
golf be involved, be active, and most importantly, be persistent in
making friends.
* Nothing But Time: It takes at least a year, maybe longer, to feel comfortable in your new environment.
* Judgment Day: Whether you need a bill translated or are selling your car get help, ask questions, know your rights.
*Love and Understanding: While husbands or friends back home may not
quite understand your frustrations, there are those that do relish
their validation.
* Relax, breathe, enjoy and don't be too hard on yourself.
 Rebekah A. Hall
Free-lance writer, Erlangen, Germany
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First Steps 
